To Minnie
by Mein Liebling
Summary: "Yo Teach! Ayyyy, don't give me that look, Minnie, I know ya missed me. So, Minnie. My gurl. My main woman. How's life been?" / Sirius decided to use the opportunity of summer vacation to piss off McGonagall without fear of detention. She'd still figure out some way of punishing him.


Yo Teach!

_Ayyyy,_ don't give me that look, Minnie. I know ya miss me! I mean, who wouldn't miss this hunk of good-looking, always innocent and charming Gryffindor?

Uh-uh! Can't take away points since it's the summer! ;) Betcha you're fuming right now! Don't worry. I'll be back in a couple months.

So, Minnie.

My gurl.

My main woman.

The love of my life.

How've you been? Obviously tragically lonely without my wonderful self to spend your evenings with, but hopefully good otherwise. (It's nearly impossible, I know, we'll hug it out when we next see each other.)

Have you taken my tips on how to hook up with our dearest old Headmaster? He was eying ya at the ending feast. Come on you tiger, claim your man. Slughorn was getting_ mightyyy _cozy. I know you must be fuming under that hat of yours of someone stealing yo man. (Jealously, Minnie my love, is such a beautiful thing sometimes. M_eo_w!)

Considering how red you must be right now and are probably writing down all the ways you can assign me detention and keep Gryffindor in the negatives throughout next year, I will move on to another subject. Don't think I'm dropping it though, Prof.

I've been staying with Prongsy boy after I hitchhiked it outta that hell hole I called my home for fifteen years. Feel free to send all that pamphlet stuff to Mister and Missus Potter, my Uncle Al isn't gonna be able to come to the family meetings so they've volunteered to do it for him. Isn't that sweet? So yeah. I'm staying with James, he's doing mighty fine also, Minnie, and he tells me to send you his love. Also, if you could pair him with Evans during the whole school year that would be appreciated. Maybe he'll finally get laid then and be less uptight, we can only hope.

James is giving me the stink eye, Teach. _Please _let him partner with Evans. He hasn't let me pull an elaborate prank in weeks! _Weeks! _I am horrified, Professor, this is not the man that I made friends with all those years ago. He's become- _gasp-_ an adult! It's a travesty! Next he's going to be wearing suits and talking business and politics! I _hate _politics!

Minnie, wipe that smile off your face or our relationship is over with. I'm literally crying right now. I mean- _politics?_

No. I refuse. I will walk around butt naked and refuse to eat anything but sweets if I have to. Just to make up for his boringness.

Enough about Jamie boy, your favourite Moony is also doing fabulously. Or at least, I hope so. It's only been a day since the term ended, so we haven't gotten into contact. I'm just writing this to you now since I know that you're absolutely _devastated_ and lonesome without me there to keep you company.

We'll make it through this together, Minnie. We can do this.

Peter is also doing great, er, same thing as Remmy though, so you never know.

Me? Ah, yes, I haven't really talked about me. I've talked linguistics, but not really anything important.

I am happy. Number one, I am wearing a fresh pair of underwear and nothing else. I have never felt freer, Minnie, I feel like the king of the world. Give me a moment to wonder in the feeling of no pants and then I shall return to this.

Number two, I'm out of Grimmauld Place and I don't have to see my little brother. He's been absolutely obnoxious and such a drag ever since Slytherin won the Cup. Ugh. I am still feeling angry from that. Don't talk to me, Minnie; I didn't have my head in the game. Getcha head in the game, I know, I _completely _forgot the motto. But in my opinion I still did pretty awesome and it was all James's fault. Just saying. You should make me Captain next year after that frankly _horrendous _display our lead Chaser showed. Disgraceful.

Okay, I think I'm good now. Wait. Now I'm good. Number three, I just had this really, really great Turkish pastry after I accidentally flooed to Turkey. I'm not kidding you; it was the food of the gods. Think you could convince the House Elves to make some? Because goddamn that was delicious, I might just floo out every morning to get a box of them.

Number four, er, I've figured out more wand puns? Oh! And Wood puns! You remember Wood, our Captain last year for Quidditch? Yeah, well I've found more- um- jokes. (Wanna polish my wand for me, Professor? ;) James is looking so disgusted at me right now, Jesus Christ Jamie leave myself and Minnie alone in peace for some alone time, I thought I raised you better.)

Number five, uhm, I don't have anything else.

So, uh, yeah. That's about it really. Since you know, I saw you yesterday.

I guess this is tootles until you reply to me, Minnie! And I do expect a reply, I put in so much effort into this, a whole twenty minutes! That's longer then I spend on all my homework combined! Aren't you special, Teach, you should feel proud of me. _I _feel proud of me. Good job me. It's kinda hard though to pat yourself on the back, so when we have our big emotional reunion if you could do that for me, that'd be great.

So, guess this is goodbye!

Love and hugs,

_Sirius Black _

(AKA your favourite student _ever _in the whole entire universe and beyond, who's also very attractive and one of the most amazing people ever, despite what James says.)

_P.S._ I'm not kidding on the Turkish pastries. Man, I need to know exactly what they are, because hot damn I would marry them if I could.

_P.P.S._ Don't worry Minnie, you'll always remain first in my heart.

_P.P.P.S._ But the pastries are a really close second.

_P.P.P.P.S._ Seriously they're all flaky and warm and have like apple or something in them, I'll get you one because Jamie hates pastries and I can't convince Mrs. Potter or Mr. Potter to eat one _and I need someone to talk to about their deliciousness._

_P.P.P.P.P.S._ I'm still your favourite student right?

_P.P.P.P.P.P.S._ James says that he is, but obviously he's lying. I mean, who can resist this guy, right?

_P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S._ I'm running out of parchment. Ridiculous! I don't want to say goodbye to you, the love of my life, but we are separated by James's cheapness to not buy the twelve inch instead of the ten inch parchment.

_P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. _Love ya! ;)

* * *

_For the Quidditch league: 1. Lonesome, 2. Drag., 6. Old._

_What a drag… *sighs* I was hoping to include Shikamaru's favourite saying in here but then I turned it cracky so there ya go._

_Sirius was a troublemaker. He was obnoxious, loud, and called Minerva 'Minnie', so I don't think having him write her a letter and being a general miscreant would be a far stretch. So don't tell me otherwise._

_Tch. I don't own Harry Potter._


End file.
